Children's writing: Lost - by Dhilan

This writing is a triumph, Dhilan. You always think so carefully about the power of each word - I know this from the discussions we have, where you consider the impact and effect of one word over another. This is a perfect approach to writing and one that poets are famous for.

I love your structure in this piece - it is logical but very creatively done, where you drip-feed key information as we go along (such as the short but all-important sentence about Ruby regretting entering the maze). This maintains the tension and intrigue.

The structure of your sentences are used to add effect, such as  using the repetition of ideas, and your imagery through figurative language is spot on.

Example: 

• he bright, joyful rays of the sun were coming to an end as the great ball of fire slowly descended into the faraway distance. Darkness was coming. 
  
  
• Like robes from China, her silky hair flustered elegantly in the air.
  
  
• ... her smile was like sun’s rays - but her days of smiling had ended.
  
  
• Ruby had been trapped in this inescapable prison for days. Her heart was filled with defeat and despair. 

Thank you so much for sharing this.

Let's read ...

Lost by Dhilan

Lost. The bright, joyful rays of the sun were coming to an end as the great ball of fire slowly descended into the faraway distance. Darkness was coming. Cooling winds gently brushed the golden-yellow corn whilst ghost-white mists loomed over the land. Like paint, myriads of amazing colours dotted the evening sky. Shimmering, the cold and eerie moon shined its devastating darkness on the land below as scorching shooting stars raced through the dark clouds.

Ruby was only ten years of age, yet she had been separated from her family. She regretted ever entering the maze. Like robes from China, her silky hair flustered elegantly in the air, ash brown freckles dotted her pale face; her smile was like sun’s rays- but her days of smiling had ended; her glamourous sapphire blue eyes were only filled with gloom and sadness.

Ruby had been trapped in this inescapable prison for days. Her heart was filled with defeat and despair. Ruby dreamed of escaping, but her dreams were cut short, for she was too weak and too tired. She missed her loving mother. She missed her caring father. She missed her old life before it had been turned upside-down.

Suddenly, emerging from the clouds, an old biplane swooped high above her. She began waving her hands frantically and called out. It didn’t stop. With her eyes filling with tears, she sat down before curling into a ball. All hope was lost…

-ends-