Children's writing: Harry and the Moon - by Rayansh

You have built tension in this writing, Rayansh, by not giving too much information away at the beginning. When I read this, I wanted to know who Harry was and why he didn't care about the cool breeze.

You have added in some lovely adjective choices to help build a picture of the setting (icy-snow floor / cool breeze / violet rainbow), as well as using personification to show the beautiful stars (the moon stood over him / the stars danced in the sky).

Excellent!

Let's read ...

A man named Harry, stood on the icy-snow floor. A cool breeze fell on him but he didn’t care. The violet-rainbow moon stood over him and the stars danced in the sky.

Harry was a bit sleepy but he managed to wake himself up. He wanted to see the whole of the rare moon, but he couldn’t because the clouds were blocking it. Harry had a good time seeing the moon so he told his whole family about it.