science fiction writing by sam, age 9

World's End - by Sam

I pushed open the door. I could only hear my heartbeats. "We need to do this mission," I thought. I walked in. I saw multiple holes in the floor and in the walls. It looked like a bomb had exploded in here. I slowly walked into a room and saw a monster with a furry face. I scanned the devil and there was nothing. Stupid! Then the hologram popped upand I had found the device. Good! The furry creature had ate it.

See below:

Well done Sam for thinking about a captivating first sentence to this story.It really made me want to read on!  You also included short, snappy sentences (Good!  and  Stupid!) as well as adverbs and internal dialogue for a character. We'll look at homophones next class (here / hear) and tenses (eaten / ate).

I can't wait to read the rest. Thank you for sharing.