myths and legends writing by Jake

The Alchemist's Letter - by Jake

He was looking at the rusty machine. To use the machine he had to use his memories. He saw how dusty the machine was. He thought it must be unique because he had never seen one before. He wondered how old the machine was? as he was holding it.

See below:

This is what Jake's creative writing process looks like. He worked really hard on making sure that each sentence moved the plot forward and that it wasn't jumping around. This has been a great success Jake! He revised his third sentence as he spotted that it was a first person 'I', but the rest of his story was in the third person 'he'. A well-chosen revision. Where to put the question mark in the final sentence is very tricky. Two options could be:

He wondered how old the machine was as he was holding it. (no question mark because we are not expecting an answer and it is a statement)

or 

As he was holding the machine he wondered, 'How old is this?' (use a question mark as the question part of the sentence is at the end and sounds like we expect an answer. It is a rhetorical question.)

Thank you for sharing your writing Jake - you have really shown how you have carefully thought about how each sentence follows on from the next and moves the plot forward. Well done.

(Parent-submitted work)