Children's writing: The Elevator - by Anniyah

Well, Anniyah, you have put me off going into a lift - forever! In future, I will take the stairs.

Starting your recount with a link to a story that you heard about the girl stuck in a lift for 100 years is a sure fire way to scare your readers from the outset. This made me want to read on. You have developed the detail really well in the third paragraph, layering information to give your reader a clear picture of what was happening and the characters actions/ reactions. Great job!

Let's read ...

The Elevator

One day in the summer holidays this year, I heard a story about a girl who got stuck in an elevator for 100 years and then got freed by someone who was sent to explore the place before they tore it down. I read it and I was terrified of elevators before, so the story made me even more scared.

The next day, me and my mum went to a shopping center, and we had to go into the elevator because that was the only way to the upper floors. I was terrified, but my mum said it was going to be fine. Genuinely, my mum is correct about stuff like this, but today she was not. We went into the elevator and the doors shut.

The way up was going smoothly, until the elevator halted, and all of the lights turned off; I also had a fear of tight spaces and that elevator was a bit tight. I started to panic, but my mum told me not to and she switched her torch on. She also told me to switch mine on, so I did. That gave us quite some light, and I didn't feel as scared. I then proceeded to press the call button on the elevator, and it took some time to go through. I had to speak Norwegian with them, and that was fun. My voice was so shaky, and I was so embarrassed. But I managed to speak and they understood me.

After approximately two hours, we were released, and now I don't ever go in elevators.

-ends-